Last night, Dream!Me was in a castle. I have no idea why that was and how our regular family dinner/lunch get together ended up in a castle but that’s technically besides the point.
I dreamed about my extended family being there and my aunt informing everyone all nonchalantly about the fact that they found someone to preach abstinence to my younger girl cousin. She phrased it like “so she can reach 20 years without an incident” and “getting to marriage incident-free” which was all it took for me to explode in a hot ball of rage. Internally.
Dream!Me did the math of how old girl cousin is right now. (I’m not sure if being able to do math was a sign you were not actually dreaming or not but let’s not get sidetracked by that.) She’s 15, will be 16 this year and I wanted to yell at my aunt that I hoped she also had someone tell her daughter how to use contraception; what different kinds there were and so on. Of course I didn’t say any of that sort because I always stay calm and keep the rage inside for me to later vent about it at length while I’m alone. Even in a dream.
I was so mad at them for this pseudo-religious bullshit. It’s not like my mother ever gave me the talk but I also didn’t need it because I was an autodidact. I still remember when, as a teen, her physical therapist asked me what the safest method of contraception was. I said a condom and he told me I was wrong. I was baffled because surely I had to be right. He wanted to hear abstinence. Teenage!Me was as mad with him then as Dream!Me is now because that’s no contraception, that’s avoidance. It’s not the same thing, at least in my opinion. Also, I just hated being told I was wrong. Easy as that.
Now back to my cousin. What I wish someone would tell her/had told her in this dream instead are the following points:
- It’s okay to have sex but be smart about it. Do it on your terms, when you’re ready and not because anyone pressures you into it. Talk to your mother, your cousin, anyone you trust about this.
- Use a freaking condom, it’s not 100% safe but nothing in life is.
- You don’t need a boy to make yourself feel good. It’s perfectly alright to masturbate and learn more about your body, what feels good, what doesn’t etc. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s sinful or that being a sexual being is shameful. It’s not.
- You don’t have to be a virgin until you get married. Unless you want to, that’s a perfectly fine reason to wait but don’t do anything because you think it’s what is expected of you.
I’m a little bit tempted to write my real life cousin a letter and tell her those things but that would be awkward and considering who this is coming from ( homosexual virgin who isn’t technically out to her own family), kind of a joke. She and I aren’t close or anything and I would be crossing a line but I had to put this somewhere as it was driving me mad after I woke up.