mediocrity

Looking back, some (maybe even a lot) of the posts I have written are not great, they’re maybe not even good but they were a product of the times they were written at. And that’s okay. Part of who I am, entails having slightly higher expectations of myself than I can ever fulfil and being a good writer is one of those ambitions.

I’ve always chosen the creative writing task in school tests when they were an option because they came easier to me than trying to analyse whatever was the book/play of the month. I have no illusion of me ever achieving my wildest dreams. (Cue Taylor Swift mini-dance party) I mean, that’s what wild dreams are for. Of just being slightly (or even a little bit more so) out of reach. To give us something to work towards.

I’m using this post to self-reflect a little bit, because that’s what I do every so often and I would be a pretty bad blogger if I didn’t do so on the blog.

I’ve published a LOT of posts over the past year or so. That’s partly due to the Disney posts. They have been a huge part of my blog lately and while it was originally designed to make me blog more regularly (it has really helped with that) it also, maybe, possibly made this space a bit messier. More crowded. Add to that the book posts I did and I’m sometimes afraid I’m losing my voice. Not that I know what my voice is. But I do know I love writing and reading personal posts the most. Something like this but better. Again.

I’ve been counting down the weeks until I’m done with Disney. Because I have another idea for a longer project but one that would probably fit in better with what I envision (that sounds pretentious) this blog to be. Some lovely Twitter friends pointed out that regardless of this spot being a bit messy, it’s still lovely and me and yes, that is true. At times, I like that it isn’t just one thing. Because I’ not just one thing.

I wouldn’t want to write a sole book blog, or travel blog or whatnot. And my personal life is just not that entertaining to be honest. I guess I have less to say than I would like and I keep going on about the same things over and over and over again.

At school I wasn’t ambitious. I wasn’t dumb but I didn’t have to study much and I never really learned how to. How to not get sidetracked with pretty, shiny things. I was an upper class mediocre student and I am such in life as well. And that is completely okay. But I still dream a bit bigger. Especially when I look at some friends and how they are doing these awesome things while I’m sitting here jealous. I shouldn’t be jealous because I also couldn’t do what they are doing. Maybe one day I will have made that thing in the back of my head happen. Until then, I’m afraid this blog will see some more mediocre posts. Not that I’m aiming for them but they just happen. I’m not a good editor, never have been and never will.

I have nothing to be ashamed of, at least I don’t think I do. Not in regards to my actual work or that stuff I’m doing in my free time, like blogging. I just wish the days had more hours so I could do more, even though it would most likely only end in me watching more TV shows instead of getting stuff done.

The thing is, I never fully figured out what to do with this place which in return is so quintessentially me that I can’t help but laugh at myself. I really should learn to embrace all of this *points at all ends of this blog wherever they are* Cause I can’t help myself from writing the silly things, the book reviews, my feelings and thoughts on the shows I binge watched and whatever other little notions happen.

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  • I have definitely had this feeling. I waver from really wanting to follow all the blogging rules and try to make money on my blog to just wanting to kick it old school and blab about my day. It’s really easy to feel mediocre, especially since what one person wants/appreciates about your blog may well be the thing someone else doesn’t like! But most of us started blogging because it was fun and made us happy- whatever comes the closest to those things are what we should grab onto. If we get an audience from it, great, but at least we are staying true to ourselves. JMO, anyway!

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      I don’t think I ever expected to make money of this, I didn’t pursue any way that could have happen. It’s mostly a way for me to work through whatever was going on with me at the time and to connect with other people.

  • I think every blogger has this feeling at some point. Every post is worth it, even if you don’t think they’re good. Each is a learning opportunity. You learn about the kind of writing that you enjoy, and your audience learns more about you.

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      That’s a great way of looking at it!