Last week I was on the other side of Germany for some work training and one morning I found myself again in a predicament. Somehow the conversation had landed on same sex couples with one of the guys being vehemently uncomfortable with gay men and their public displays of affection. Of course that is fairly common. At the same time, he said he didn’t mind looking at lesbians.
My heart started to beat faster because I had to make a decision (again). Should I keep my mouth shut or be honest? I opted for the middle ground. What can I say, it was early in the morning and I hardly knew these people.
What struck me though was the fact that everybody has an opinion even if it doesn’t concern them. I hate the fact that my rights are constantly challenged by people who are not in my position, who never have to face the above decision and who are only concerned with this issue by proxy. Everyone has an opinion about my right to marry the love of my life, of me being allowed to raise and/or adopt kids just like everyone has an opinion about whether or not I’m allowed to have an abortion just because I’m a woman. Especially for the last issue, straight white men pull the strings.
And that’s just wrong.
To the guy who was so vehemently against gay men (he used a derogatory word I hadn’t heard before and promptly forgotten but it didn’t endear him to me) I wanted to say that just because some men are gay doesn’t mean they want to hit on him. We (all the raging homosexuals and bisexuals) aren’t attracted to everyone of the same sex just like you aren’t attracted to every woman of the opposite sex. And also, serves you right for taking some of your own medicine. Because there are so many people afraid of the unwanted attention of behind hit in by someone. Well, boo-hoo. Us females have been dealing with that since the dawn of time and it’s about time you see what that feels like. I have no sympathy for them. I’m sorry but I can’t bring myself to care when you’re just living out your phobias.
This whole thing made me so mad, I missed focussing on the first part of class that morning because I had to get my feelings in order. When the homophobe left the breakfast table, the remaining people seemed to be more gracious with the topic and I argued that it really doesn’t matter if a kid is raised by two moms or two dads as long as it is loved. That’s the most important thing. Kids only learn bias through us. And that’s an important thing to remember.
I was not happy with myself throughout that day because (again) I tanked. I didn’t jump up and waved my rainbow flag. I can make excuses as to why but the fact remains that I broke my own law again. Because coming out again and again is just more difficult than I want to let myself believe it is. Especially with strangers. Plus, the opportunity for me to jump in didn’t show itself, at least not in the way it would have made sense for me. But again, excuses, excuses.
The only thing that consoled me was that I acknowledged it later in the evening over supper with one of the guys from my course. We landed on the subject of giving birth and I said that wasn’t such a concern for me because I plan on my wife having the kids. He was cool with it and that was the end of it. It made me feel a bit better. Maybe one of the three beers helped as well. Who knows.
My point is, it makes me a rage ninja to have everyone everywhere have an opinion on my rights, hopes and dreams. I can’t stress that enough. You wouldn’t like it if I did the same to you so get off your high horse. The fact that I can easily pass as straight is both a blessing and a curse.
A couple of weeks ago I read through some of the stories on The Glass Closet homepage and one struck me as way too familiar. It’s more difficult to causally come out when you don’t have a partner because you can’t just drop their names here and there. You can’t mention your girlfriend or wife the way other people mention their significant others so in coming out to the general public, it’s always a conscious thing. This resonated with me because I have thought about it many times before. And it frustrates me to the extend of me actually thinking about making up a girlfriend. The better part of my brain has always taken over at that point though, telling me that’s so middle school and just plain lying.
I have no planned end or conclusion for this post. It’s a verbal image of a certain time for my inventory. January 2015, this is where I stand; where society stands. Let’s make it a better one in the coming days.