Saturday marked this year’s Coming Out Day and I couldn’t help but wonder how much time has changed, both for myself but also the world I live in.
4 years ago I couldn’t even consider my own truth. I lived in denial while also being way too interested into watching two women kissing in the disco and being afraid other peoples would assume two women dancing together would seem gay.
3 years ago I was dabbling my feet in the waters of maybe, possibly, eventually not being completely straight. A girl can only watch Portia and Ellen interviews on Oprah for so long.
2 years ago I could finally admit it to myself and a very select few close friends. Also, the internet. Back then I never thought I would publicly post on Facebook about Coming Out day, or share videos about homosexuality.
1 year ago, I was a mess for a lot of reasons but my life was finally about to get back on track and I could express my truth more openly. Still not to everyone, but it is getting better.
Today, I’m sitting here not caring anymore about who finds out and who doesn’t. I want everyone to know because I’m sick of being in the closet; of people assuming I want to find a husband; and me not being able to handle a power drill on my own. I don’t want to hide behind evasions anymore and actually, I am proud of myself for that. Secrets are deadly, I truly believe that. Holding big things inside for too long will make you scared and it gets so much more difficult to hold in.
Looking at the timeline, it hasn’t been that long but it also feels like I lived a whole life in between. But coming out isn’t just about yourself. It’s also about being visible because the more straight people realise that we are here, the easier they accept us.
Today, more Americans live in states that allow same sex marriage than don’t. That’s crazy! And the majority of people are okay with it. But the divide is big when you look at certain countries that have laws against homosexuality and enforce them through violence or even death. Countries like Russia shock us with anti-gay laws and oppression and I’m grateful I do get to life in a country where I am not outlawed, where I can get married to the woman I love.
It’s stunning to me how fast times can change even when it sometimes doesn’t seem fast enough. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to friends and I mentioned being on a date with a very short girl and how weird being so much taller felt to me. While I said it, I couldn’t believe I was casually mentioning this because yes, I did that. I went out with a girl, nothing became of it but damn, I didn’t even feel uncomfortable saying it or had the other people looking at me weirdly. It was like the most normal thing to do.
In general, I have only had positive reactions to coming out from those I told and that’s amazing. It shows I have the right people in my life but also how far our society has come. I still hate the actual coming out part because everyone assumes you are straight. I hate the uncertainty with new people, because you cannot know how they will react. I prefer to do it through the backdoor. Not saying the actual words but implying what I mean but I guess that is who I am and doesn’t have anything to do with my sexual orientation.
(I could have made all my coming out posts a series, I guess, because there is more than one on this subject. Willie and the Coming Out Chronicles. LOL.)