Disney (Wednes)Day: Sleeping Beauty

Oh look at that, time for another Disney movie I have basically no knowledge of except it has to do with a Prince and a Princess. That’s a lot, I know! Drumroll for Sleeping Beauty which came out in 1959! Okay then.

The movie starts with the shot of a fancy book as the voice over explains us about a land far, far away where after years some king and queen finally had a daughter. (Btw, have I mentioned that I will from now on only referred to as your Ladyship Queen Victoria of England? No, okay, consider yourselves informed then.) To celebrate the babies birth a big celebration was held. Young Prince Philip is introduced to his future wife, little Princess Aurora. Of course there needs to be an arranged marriage in this. Disney really hates me, right? (I know this is not a personal matter and the movie is set in a certain time period and all that stuff but damn it!)

Cue to three good fairies arriving and hey, I’ve seen you in gifs on Tumblr before, now I finally know where you belong. You’re awesome, k. They each offer the kid a special gift. The first one is the gift of beauty, the second the gift of song and the third…well we don’t get to hear that one as thunder suddenly happens followed by lots of other commotion. Lo and behold, the bad Maleficent is upon us and she’s mad because she wasn’t invited. Of course she doesn’t say so but you can tell. She passive aggressively wishes Aurora to touch the spindle of a spinning wheel until the sun sets on her 16th birthday which will kill her. This is terrible. The third fairy tries to help with her gift wish and weakens the curse to Aurora falling asleep until she is kissed by a true lover. Well that’s something then. The king orders all spinning wheels to be burnt but of course that won’t help too much, I’m sure.

Later that night, the three fairies try to come up with a plan to save Aurora from her destiny. It involves shrinking and hiding in some sort of cupboard. Really they are just more awesome in miniature format than they are already. They decide to raise Aurora far away from everything in the forest as some peasant women until she is 16. This is a great sacrifice because they have to love like mere mortals without magic. I’m not sure I’d give up magic to take care of another family’s kid but okay.

Cut to 16 years later and a very unhappy Maleficent because even after years and years of looking for the child, her minions have come up empty. This however it the result of the idiot minions looking for a baby for 16 years. This kids, should remind you that even if you’re the greatest criminal mastermind of the century, you’re only as good as the people you surround yourself with. Important Disney Life Lessons (maybe this needs a tag of it’s own). Now her trusted pet raven is supposed to fix this in basically one day or so. Time and relative dimensions in Disney or something like that.

Our Fairies turned Peasants are living in the woods where they are planning the Princess’ (who is now called Rose, this girl has almost as many names as a russian literary character in the 19th century but moving on) birthday extravaganza without having her know it. Thankfully Rose leaves the house soon so they can get to work. Only, it’s really difficult to make a top notch cake and dress if you (a) can’t do any of that and (b) aren’t allowed to use magic. Womp womp!

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We cut to Rose walking through the forest and she is singing only it is really high and my ears are starting to complain. A young man rides past on his trusted horse but doesn’t think like I do because he finds the singing charming and goes to investigate. Meanwhile Rose is making friends with the animals and hello obligatory owl shot!

You can tell that the princess has reached the age of sexual maturity because she sings about how all the animals have partners except for her. Sadz. Don’t you worry pretty child, your future husband is on it’s way because even though I can’t know for sure, I’m pretty sure the young man on a horse we just saw will turn out to be Prince Philip from 16 years ago. There are only few love triangles in Disney.

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Rose continues to explain her furry friends that she has met someone despite her sheltered upbringing. It turns out to have just been a dream though. After that, the animals see a coat (from the horse man) and decide to take matters into their own hands. The owl gets dressed in the coat and serves as Rose’s someone. It’s cute but naturally this also brings her in contact with her future husband. BOOM! Insta-love! After their short time together, Rose has to rush back home because she suddenly has a bad conscience or something. The secret forest lover agrees to drop by her house in the evening for god knows what.

Defeated by their own incompetence, the fairies give up on trying to get shit done the mortal way and get out their wands. They take a great deal of security measures as to ensure nobody gets suspicious. Everything would have been fine if two of the fairies hadn’t started fighting over the colour of the birthday dress. Of course Maleficent’s raven has spotted the magical happenings. I told you so!

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When Rose gets back home she immediately tells her three fairy mothers about how she just fell in love with her secret forest lover and they all have to explain how that’s really not an option because she is a princess and her marriage is already arranged. Now there’s a lot to get dumped onto your head in a fairly short amount of time. Naturally the raven was eavesdropping while all this was going on. You had one job, ladies!!!

Back in the palace, the respective fathers of the couple to be wed are already getting their panties in a twist. That’s what happens when you drink too much, kids. Prince Philip gets to the castle to inform his father he has found his true love and see, I told you guys he was Rose’s secret forest lover. I’m so good at TV #notsohumblehumblebrag

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Cloaked and in full secret service mode, the fairies escort Rose, aka Princess Aurora to the castle and the poor girl is crying over her lost secret forest lover. While she is left alone to process her feelings, a green glowy thing escapes the furnace which she follows because she is a moron. She follows the glowy light through some weird staircase and the fairies have a difficult time following her. Eventually a spinning wheel materialises in front of Aurora and like I said before, she is an idiot to maybe hypnotised. Anyway she touches the spindle and falls asleep. The fairies are too late and can only put her in a bed and cry over the unfortunate mishap. This is all kinds of sadz!!

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In order to spare the king and queen all the feels, the fairies decide to put everyone to sleep until Aurora wakes up again. I’m not sure how this is supposed to work when everyone is asleep, her one true love can’t come up to her and kiss her but whatever. While putting Philip’s father to rest, the fairies learn that Philip is Rose’s secret forest lover and rushed to the cabin in the woods, where he promised to meet Rose that night.

Cabin in the woods. Maleficent is already there to capture Philip and again the fairies are too late. Again. They come up with a rescue mission for the young Prince and get to work. After their escape, Maleficent is really, really upset and gives them a lot of challenges to compete in order to get back to the castle.

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Of course, good wins over evil in the end and after he kisses Aurora, everyone awakes and the festivities plus marriage can finally happen. All is well again in the kingdom.

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The End.

Ahhhh, I enjoyed this one even though the idea that only my one true love can safe me is a little bit too much romantic crap for me. It’s cute though. I really liked the fairies and why don’t I have a fairy godmother, damn it?! Also, having a female villain is pretty awesome and Maleficent is really good at it.

One notable thing is also, the Prince really wanted to marry a peasant girl. He didn’t care that she was a nobody without rank and stuff. He just went for it, despite what all his family though. This is awesome and noteworthy! Thank you, Disney.

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  • Vanessa

    I haven’t seen this movie in a long time, but now I feel a re-watch is in order. With the ineptitude of the three fairies, you wonder how they lasted out in the woods for 16 long years!

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      You really do. I mean they are pretty awesome but also really incompetent. And you should definitely watch this again!

  • EmilyHornburg

    I love this movie in spite of some of the ridiculousness of it. I’m basically the fairies when I try to cook, it’s one of the first times you actually see a personality in the prince (I am a fan of Phillip!), and Meleficent is fantastic.

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      Philip is awesome especially for being a prince, I expected so much worse!