no resolutions for me

As this is the start of a new year people tend to make resolutions about things they want to do or ways they want to improve themselves. I have long given up on such notions because (a) I would forget about them too easily and (b) I can’t think of anything in particular. I write this on January 3rd and I have seen so many new resolutions spring into action from my internet friends I feel weird about not having any. Some started blogging, some just revived their old blogs or they started new projects altogether. And I sit here thinking to myself that maybe something is wrong – well maybe not wrong per se – but weird going on with me because I have no resolutions. (Yes, I am actually crazy like this, creating problems where there aren’t any to begin with. It’s called being a woman, or so I’ve heard.)

Sure, I could pledge to lose weight but I don’t care enough about those extra couple of pounds I have on me. I try doing my best but limiting or restricting food or certain food groups doesn’t work for me. Some days I just need to eat a bag of chips because I want to and that should and needs to be okay with me. So no dieting for me.

Obviously I blog so that’s not an option for me either. So far I’ve kept up with my own expectations for this place over the last couple of months which is great.

I could pledge to read more. When you take a look at the What I Read page on this blog you are probably getting into a laughing frenzy due to the small number of books I read in the past 2 years. The only resolution-y thing I have is reading more than last year. But I won’t be heartbroken if it doesn’t work out for me. And so far things aren’t looking that good for me as I am stuck in Sense & Sensibility, one of my 2013 leftovers. I’m so bored with it but need to finish because of reasons that only exist in my head.

What else is there to put into a resolution? *scratches head* I honestly can’t think of anything right now. Well, maybe I should finally come out to my family, ahem. However I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter that much to me. Sure I get an adrenaline rush whenever some similar topic arises because that’s just how I work and it could finally be THE moment I have been waiting for. I feel similar when I have to make a phone call to some place I never called before though so it doesn’t really count. I had braced myself for the question of wether I got a boyfriend over Christmas but there was none. Not sure if my extended family now adopted DADT when it comes to me or they simply stopped caring. Either way, I’m okay with it.

One big thing I crossed off my to do list happened yesterday. It involved a 15 minute pep talk because of pointless social anxiety and ended quite well actually. There’s a regular’s table of lesbian and bi women in my town and despite me having known about it for a year now, I never went there because I was too scared but I did yesterday and it was good. I put on my big girl pants and felt great about it. It is about damn time that I get into the game, whatever the game is.

There is nothing else that comes to mind. Nothing. It’s the rare moment where my head is silent, empty as I desperately try to think of something. This only happens in the worst of situations like exams or high pressure moments. Silence. Nothingness. The reason is probably because I am quite happy with where I am right now. Sure there are times I tend to disagree with this assumption but overall I have arrived in my life and t sits right with me. I (mostly) let go of some expectations I had that made me unhappy (it really is an ongoing process) and just enjoy who I am. Most days, the person who looks back at me when I look into the mirror is a person I love. So I decided I don’t really need new years resolutions.

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  • I’m so with you on the dieting thing. I like junk food too much. Fortunately, I actually enjoy working out a fair bit too. I mean, I’m probably going to always have a few extra pounds on me since I refuse to give up on chocolate, but I can at least keep myself in check. In theory.

    Congrats on putting yourself out there, though! A big step! Reactivating my OKC account and going on one date this month is on my to-do list, but I’m not that optimistic that I’ll do it.

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      Right, I love running for various reasons so it’s okay to eat junk food at times. Only the dark weather and frequent rain keeps me from working out as much as I’d want to.

      As terrifying as it is, you really should go on that one date even if it turns out to be utter shit. At least you tried? That’s my motto.

      • Yeah, but, like… effort, you know? Effort.

        • Wilhelmina Upton

          Oh yeah, completely valid excuse.

  • Tim

    Congrats on knocking one of the items off your to do list. I posted about a project that I’m starting myself, however it has to do with my blog anniversary, not the new year. Merely a sheer coincidence that they’re close together time wise.

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      I skim read the post your referring to already so I know a little bit and it’s exciting!! Even though I was off work for 2 weeks I’m still behind in my blog reading.

  • ClĂ©ment Polge

    Yeah I was thinking the same about resolution. I’m not one for symbolic stuff, so the new year ? A good reason to get drunk and overeat sugary stuff, but that’s about it.

    Even the “blog” I started wasn’t related, I have two posts drafted, and the only thing I want to do is just close the damn thing because I’m thinking I’ll never be able to do something that satisfy me on what I originally set out to do: talk about maths, and why they’re wonderful. Quite literally. Full of wonders.

    So yeah, no resolution for me either, and I actually forgot it was a real thing, so I was super surprised to see it pop up everywhere. Plus, really, why would you wait a new year to set your life back on track ? That seems so… Arbitrary.

    Anyway, I’m glad your evening went well ! I’m not sure what the game is either, but the few rules I’ve managed to work out so far: no means no, and hitting someone hard on the head before they say no isn’t acceptable. Tell me if you learn more.

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      Oh those are great rules, I don’t think I can add more yet. If I do, I will let you know.

      You want to talk about the beauty that is math? DO. IT!!!!! I want to read a crazy math is awesome blog because it’s such a looked down upon thing. Everyone disses math like it’s the cool thing to do but it really isn’t.

  • Mariana

    This is probably the first year I haven’t even TRIED to come up with a new years resolution. There are a few things I want to do (exercise, eat better, READ MORE, write more posts, make an video… etc), but the last thing my self-esteem needs right now is to fail yet another thing. My main goal right now is just not to fall into any habits I’ll regret. Hopefully that’ll hold me over until I’m more motivated.

    In terms of not having any resolutions, I think that’s totally fine! :)
    What’s the point of making pointless goals if you’re already happy with what you’re doing? I say just keep doing what you’re doing until it doesn’t make you happy anymore, then you can think about changing it.

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      Yep, making resolutions would just make me sad cause I couldn’t keep them. Here’s to hoping you won’t fall into habits you’ll regret.

  • Ashlea K.

    This is awesome! My goal is to one day get to where I’m happy with myself and need no resolutions. You are an inspiration :)

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      You’re sweet. I feel far, far away from being an inspiration, lol.

  • cupitonians

    That should be the number one thing on everybody’s to do list – to be happy. Too many people care about how they look (but only cause of what other people will think of them) or what they eat (again, it is a show for others). So what if you’re a girl who likes cheesecake over a drab salad? I’m glad you’re happy. You are extremely self aware – that is enough. Happy New Year!

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      Extremely self-aware, yep, that’s me. And while I do care what other people thing about me I try not to let it influence me too much. Being happy is just so much more important.
      Happy New Year to you too, my dear! I hope it’ll treat you well.