You’re single? LOL.

Last week, I hung up a picture of bestfriendboy, my fake husband Franz and myself in my office. I share said office with a mid 40 female coworker. On my first day she was eager to learn if I had a boyfriend. Naturally I was all LOL NOPE on that but I didn’t say I was gay either because first day and all. The next day or so I was in a Twitter conversation but she didn’t know and thought I was texting a boy, asking me what his name was and that sort of crap. I nearly headdesked. So after I hung up the picture she naturally had to ask if bestfriendboy was single. It was literally the first thing she asked.

Why the hell does it matter so much if anyone is single or not? I know I’ve written quite a lot about this subject on the blog but mostly because I’m lonely and hate sleeping alone every single night. I have nearly made my peace with it and embrace my singledom but apparently this is the most important thing to know about a person which makes me furious because it is utter bullshit.

Way too much emphasis is put on romantic love in my opinion, like it’s the end all know all definition of a person. You are who you’re with but that isn’t true. My relationship status does not define, I’m neither better nor worse for being on my own. My value as a person neither increases nor decreases from being with another person linked in a romantic relationship.

Why can’t we all just take a step back. Not every 20-something woman or man dreams of being married and procreating. Some will do it later in life and some will never walk down that road which is more than okay, really. I never needed a man to take care of me, I can change my own damn tires on my car and fix some things around the house. Also this is not 1959 anymore, not every woman needs to be married by a certain age. I value my freedom and am quite pleased with the person I am at the moment so don’t think less of me because I haven’t been with someone for years now, not that there would be anything wrong with that either, if you love said person, that’s cool and all but it’s not a necessary part for every young person.

The only thing part of me is mad about is that I chickened out and not just said that I wasn’t waiting for Mr. Right but a Ms but this is not something I like to introduce myself with to new people especially at my first job. In related news, the first two weeks have been good so far, I like my coworkers and feel good there. The INTERNET demanded a vlog about my first days at the job but with NaNoWriMo and a lot of other stuff going on this month, I will probably have to postpone this until December.

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  • Clément Polge

    Not much to add really, but your colleague reminds me of Dolores Herbig from Dead Like Me, so I can only hope that she’ll grow on you :)

    I think it’s also just about the only universal thing: everyone wants a special someone. To various degree, and that doesn’t mean that being single is THE WORST EVER, but if you gave someone a choice between being single and being with that great someone that makes you happy, I think the choice would be easy for anyone :)

    So maybe that’s it, maybe she was just akwardly trying to bond with you, by catching what’s on your desk and starting a conversation ? Or maybe she’s a dumbass who think you should be married and sprouting kids, but let’s give people the benefit of the doubt :p

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      I like her mostly. And I wouldn’t have said if it was just about me, I get she was trying to get to know stuff about me but when it was her first question about bestfriendboy I was done.

  • cupitonians

    I know how that feels. People still ask me if I’m single and look at me like I’ve got some sort of incurable disease (of course I don’t tell them about the boy because frankly, why does it matter? It’s not like my personality has changed). It really is pitiful. I’m sorry you have to go through it at work. I’m glad work is going good though. I sent you a good luck message. I hope it hasn’t got lost in the mail! Hugs.

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      Ui, I haven’t gotten anything in the mail yet, but now I have something to look forward to, yay!

  • Tim

    My family give me weird looks because I’m not married at the age of 26. Every adult in my family older than me was married no later than the age of 24, so they’re convinced there’s something wrong with me, even though I’ve had the same girlfriend for nearly three years. I don’t see the rush to getting married, let alone have kids. My brother was married and divorced twice by the age of 22…I’d say doing things my way has been far more successful.

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      I love it when you tell tales of your family. I agree, there is no rush and we shouldn’t put too much stock in marriage and all those things. One very valuable thing my perpetual singledom has taught me, is that I can take care of myself. I don’t need anyone to take care of me.

      • Tim

        Oddly enough, a huge reason I’ve chosen not to get married yet is because I want to be able to feel like not only can I support myself (which I’ve done successfully since I was 18), but that I can support someone else too. I’d argue that’s a far more important gauge people should use able when to get married.

        • Wilhelmina Upton

          Oh yes. The colleague who started a month before me, she got married and had a kid while studying. Her husband is still studying and working on the side. I understand everyone has a different life plan but that would not have been a away to do things for me. I’d have tried for financial stability first.