I always considered myself a writer of some sort. I have fond memories of times when we had to do creative writing in primary school and even in high school when we got to choose between a creative writing and an analytical task in English exams, I always chose the creative writing one. It came easy to me and also the teacher had problems to objectively evaluate the content which usually meant an easier grade.
I have notebooks filled with my scribblings from school, a dozen story drafts and a couple of, at best, mediocre short stories that go with my crappy poetry. I haven’t finished writing a story in years so I am currently re-evaluating my status as a writer.
It’s not that I don’t want to write, it’s more that I don’t know what to write; I don’t have a story that’s spilling out of me, there is nothing I need to write down. I don’t sacrifice sleep for writing a story or any such things a true writer does. So can I still consider myself a writer?
I am not entirely sure to be honest. (This is like an unplanned new feature, things I thought I was but am not, or something like that.)
November is coming up which means NaNoWriMo, a thing I haven’t participated in but have heard about a lot before. Prior to securing my job, I thought I was definitely going to do it this year but now that my job starts in November I am not sure if that’s such a smart idea. I do want to try, after all NaNo is more about quantity instead of quality. Since I started writing this post a couple of weeks ago I actually found something I want to write about. If it’s enough for 50,000 words in 30 days is a question unanswerable by me at the moment. I guess all I can do is try and see where this takes me.
I knew that the fact that I was still thinking about NaNo probably meant that I actually wanted to do it so I signed up. My username, as almost everywhere else on the interwebs, is WillieSun. If you’re participating as well, feel free to add me as a writing buddy.
Now, I cannot say if this makes me a writer. What does make someone a writer? Being published? – That would exclude a lot of people. This is going to drift into narcissism land so be advised, I always had this idea of myself as being some kind of genius. I have super high expectations when it comes to certain things in my life which is why I was never satisfied in school and uni. I always thought I had to score better than I actually did. Now, I’m a smart cookie but I’ve been saying goodbye to this idea about myself for a while now. I am not some genius, not with math and science nor with writing. But that’s okay, right? Not everyone can be the next John Green or Emily Dickinson. As long as I enjoy doing it (and it being writing in this case), that’s all that matters.
Like I said, I haven’t written much in recent years, somehow my engineering degree was not that inspiring. The last thing I managed to finish is this ‘gem’ *ahem* please don’t laugh too hard about this.
And who knows, maybe NaNo will break something loose in me, maybe I’ll find my story, or not, but I will never know unless I tried. So that’s what I’ll do. In the end, if it turns out I can’t do it, maybe this irrational dream of mine can finally die in peace.