I can only hope this post will not come off too narcissistic but we will see. Also, it was more difficult to put my thoughts in words than I thought so I hope I still managed to get my point across.
Yesterday one of my very best friends celebrated her birthday which of course put me in a good mood since we hadn’t seen each other for almost two months. At one point during the evening she told me that I was exceptionally happy which may be true, especially in comparison to how I usually felt in recent months.
The thing is, I am actually happy and satisfied with myself. I’m not quite that teenager who felt like doing cartwheels down the school corridors anymore but I got the days back where there’s a playful skip in my step during my walks through the hallways at uni. I can honestly answer that I feel fine when being asked how I’m doing. It’s not a charade anymore and that is quite something.
The other day, I realised that I really like who I am as a person. Of course there are many things I would change if I could but I also know that they are not too important and that it’s ok to like yourself. I’m not sure why this is such a new revelation for me but being able to look in the mirror and thinking: ‘Hey, I look nice! I like what I see.’ and not have it immediately followed by a slightly guilty feeling is something else. It’s not that I hated myself, I never did that but I felt uneasy appreciating who I am because I somehow thought I needed to be more this or that to be happy. As it turns out, I just need to be myself.
Most days I cannot make up my mind if my curls drive me crazy or actually look nice. I only know that it feels weird looking in the mirror and seeing myself with straight hair. It’s just not me, even if straight hair means being able to brush your hair whenever you want without looking like a crazy mop afterwards. So I guess I actually like my hair.
Obviously it would do me good if I weren’t such a lazy person but I also know it spun out of control in recent months because of all the stuff I was trying not to think about. I’m trying to work on this but being a little lazy from time to time is not a crime and I accept it.
I’ve come to terms with all my obvious faults and shortcomings and I don’t mind them. I actually really like who I am and it’s totally okay to feel this way. Why wouldn’t it, right?
What I’m trying to say is this, love yourself because you don’t get another you! We are who we are and that is completely okay! If you can’t even accept who you are than how can you accept the differences in other people? Also? Don’t spread hate just because other people are different or you don’t understand where they’re coming from. October is Anti-Bullying month and we should all remember that our behaviour effects other people.
I wasn’t really bullied in school but I also know that I never quite fit in with the other kids. I felt different, not as included no matter how hard I tried to be one of them. Most of the times I even liked going to school. I cannot imagine how it must feel to be so hated by other students that you wanted to kill yourself. It’s sad and heartbreaking that kids like Amanda Todd don’t see another way out of their misery than to commit suicide. It’s so wrong on all levels that can be wrong!
I’m asking everyone of you to not bully or hate on other people. I know we cannot all get along, sit around a camp-fire and sing ‘Kumbaya’ while we hold hands but it doesn’t mean we have to destroy one another either! Find some kindness and acceptance in yourself and spread that feeling.