…I hate you and I am not afraid to use the word ‘hate’. It’s a strong word and I mean it!! I could live pretty happily without them and the feeling of being left on the down side. I prefer being happy or at least not so sad, but who doesn’t?
Today is just another one in a long series of days, I have so many different emotions, I don’t know where to put all of them. Happy, sad, bored, annoyed, happy again, sad, tired, just to name a few. Why is it that when something good happens, immediately a bad thing follows and why are there always more bad things than good things happening or is this just my crazy pessimistic brain talking?
Maybe my sleepy (and when I get sleepy and pessimistic I get slightly cranky too) brain is talking but I feel just to upset to go to sleep right now, so here I am, rambling on and on about…stuff. Boy, I do enjoy the ‘…’ today. It’s hard to adequately describe my mood so just picture those three little dots where my faith and soul overlap and you understand. It doesn’t even matter what is upsetting me right now because it repeats itself every so often and it’s annoying.
Why won’t it stop?
Why am I stuck here in this time and place where it seems whatever I do, it changes nothing, and nothing at all.
I would love a break, leave everything behind (again) and try on a different life somewhere else. Maybe it would fit better, maybe there were less problems. Then again I remember, everybody has problems, no one is happy all the time, right? Right! But still, a little time off of my worries would be nice.
Most problems concern my Mom and her illness and I just don’t see an end to it in the near future which means I will be stuck here for some time to come.
I’ll try to sleep now hoping that tomorrow after I wake up, the sky is clear and life is good again (it happens, you know?! just not often enough lately) and I won’t feel alone anymore. My feelings are just so torn at the moment, they can’t even decide whether I want to be left alone or with someone. I guess the truth is, those are two different someones, they only happen to have the same name.
Does this even make sense anymore? Dunno, don’t care, see you on a better day…hopefully…