I really should be doing something else…

As I was updating my ‘About’ page I thought about writing another blog post, so here it comes. I should be sleeping at the moment because I have an exam tomorrow morning and I most certainly did not study enough for it but as I really dislike the subject I try to avoid learning about it as much as possible.

So what was my thought earlier? Oh, right, I remember. My stay at the university will come to an end during this year and I am completely unsure what to do afterwards. I like Industrial Engineering, especially the engineering part, not so much the business stuff, but I still (after 5 years that is) can’t visualize a job or have an idea of how my working life will become. Is this bad? I am not sure.

I thought about doing a PhD, which I still think is a pretty neat idea unless I don’t get the PhD spot that I want, or I am just not good enough at it and I would fail to go through with it. (A lot of what if’s, I know!) But I am concerned about my creativity, and not doing the things I love most because I fear not to make a living off of them, such as writing and acting.

Ever since I was a little girl, I tried my hand at writing poetry and stories. (I mean, who didn’t??) Most of them were really not good and due to lack of time I haven’t written anything in quite some time now. ┬áNevertheless I would love to find out if I could go through with writing my own novel, a dream I’m having a long time now. But to do this I need time, which at the moment is not a possibility. Why do I always think about this kind of stuff when I am at my busiest? ┬áMaybe to avoid dealing with the things right in front of me and instead dreaming about the things that could be if I weren’t doing other stuff at the moment.

My best friend is studying old music and I envy him in the way that he goes through with his passion. To me, it feels as if I settled for the safer choice in life, study something with good job opportunities in order to earn a decent living. Is that right though? Don’t I owe it to myself to make the most out of the life I was given? Here plays the My-Mom-has-Terminal-Cancer-Thing a big role. Life seems really short from my perspective at the moment. My Mom was always working, trying (and mostly succeeding) to ensure a good life for me, but now she is 55 years old and her clock is running out. She has never really lived, doesn’t have a lot of friends. It just doesn’t seem fair and I don’t want to end like that!! This may be the only thing I know for sure. I want to do creative things, whatever they are and not regret not having done anything during my time on earth.

After proof-reading (I suppose there will still be a number of errors left, let’s just say I intended to include them) it appears that this post wandered into a different direction than I originally had in mind and also turned out longer than anticipated. The title should just be a reminder that it is late and I should be sleeping but it turned into a question about my choices in life. This is kinda cool, I think, so I can go to sleep now…or tossing and turning in my bed, whatever comes first.

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  • Good luck with what you find out, for me creativity is the most important thing we have and I say do what gives you the most pleasure because life is too short and we owe it to ourselves to be something wonderful.

    • Wilhelmina Upton

      Thanks for your comment! And I agree with you. Thankfully I still have about half a year left before my university will kick me out and makes me choose what to do afterwards, so I will try to use this time wisely. I guess though, I won’t get an epiphany one day telling me exactly what to do. It will more likely be a way consisting of try-and-error situations.